170 BPM

Just had my 12 week doctor appointment and little jellyfish has a good beat. 170 beats per minute! It's so magical to hear your growing baby's heart beat, especially since I can't feel it's movements yet. It's almost like a little "Hi, I'm in here and doing good, quit worrying so much!" Phew. Lady was ecstatic.

Jeggings!

Say wha? Have I been living under a rock? I have never heard of these things before, but they have a stretchy waist! I LOVE STRETCHY WAISTS. Especially since my waistline is ever increasing. I'm already growing out of my jeans, luckily a good friend who's done the belly thing 4 times told me of a little rubber band trick. So simple right? But my rubber bands are working  pretty hard right now. But tonight when I was at the mall looking for good belly shirts to hide my "is she pregnant or just fat?" belly, I came across JEGGINGS! Bum buh bum! Total comfort. They were made for those awkward baby bumps that don't fit in your jeans, but are still swimming in maternity. Match made in heaven, my belly was happy. I think tomorrow I will go buy 10 in every color! WHY HAS NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THESE?!?! I feel so out of the loop, especially after I googled them and realized how trendy and super cool they are right now. I return under my rock out of embarrassment.

 

So brilliant, right?!?!  

*claimer: My wonderful, amazing, super fly cousin CALIE MICHELLE told me about these and I laughed at her. I take back my giggles as I now own 3 of them. Forgive me, Calie and thank you for your wisdom. 

WA Coast Harleys!

Mom & Harley

Warning: Recentish happenings in one smooshed post.

It all started with our move from Texas to Spokane. A 3 day road trip with one cranky kitty, audio cd of Jim Butcher's Dresden series, Small Favor, 1 fast stop in Provo for some Cafe Rio, and fast forward; we made it to Spokane. It was a long trip.

So once we get here, my parents needed a Go car for their Harley trip. So we spent another 5 days driving around Washington coast following 2 Harleys. But it was Ghent's first ferry ride EVER, so it was totally worth the extra trip! Not to mention a free vacation and we got to hang out with the parentals.

Dad's real hair. ;)

We did stop at this amazing hat shop somewhere in there. And my dad and his friend mischievously convinced Ghent to try the world's HOTTEST F-ING Sauce, which landed him on the toilet pretty much the rest of the trip while my dad just laughed at his burning guts. "It feels like I just drank Napalm" was all he could choke out about the experience the next day. But we had a great time despite the Napalm coating his innards.

We also went to Forks, WA., which made me sick of the Twilight series instantly. I swear, if I hear one more thing about Bella shopping here, or Bella worked here, or here is where Bella and Charlie ate lunch...I may be forced to up-chuck my stomach contents all over the floor. But the people of Forks were really nice despite us trowing cheeze-itz in car windows to picky dogs who snubbed us.

And then we went to Mt. Rainier which was bloody cold and my flip flops just did not cut it. But neither did the 1920's lodge rooms where you could sit on the toilet and spit in the sink at the same time.

However, we did make our first baby purchase ever at said lodge. A fleece bear hat for baby on cold nights. But since baby is only 2 inches long currently, it could swim laps in this hat. So maybe next year when it's all finished growing important things, like vital organs.

Anyway, we saw tons of amazing, beautiful and breathtaking things. It really made me appreciate the outdoors again and it felt great to get some fresh northwestern air. I have missed dearly the northwest.

 

And of course, I had to ride the Harley, pregnant and all. But I only rode 30 minutes and the it was the safest and slowest part of the trip...So I am not completely irresponsible. And my Dad knows I am a sacred vessel carrying his grandchild, so he was extra cautious with me riding. Even if he referred to me as a holy Sphincter the rest of the trip. Ehh, go figure. 

 

HARDCORE & PREGNANT!

*BABY UPDATE*
Baby is doing great as far as I know, I go in for my 12 week appointment in 2 days and hopefully I can get another ultrasound because I am crazy obsessed with baby pictures.

Bye, Roxy.

Today my dog died. This was a puppy I researched, spent my entire high school career studying and obsessing over until I finally convinced my parents to buy one, a Papillon. She was the craziest dog ever and I LOVED her! We named her Roxy and she was neurotic, she barked all the time at everything, she would lay on the floor and go into spastic jolts under your feet or laying next to you for attention, she had the worst breath ever, she made you laugh everyday, she had a temper and she would growl at me every time I told her I loved her. She followed my mom and I everywhere, begged at the table, slept with me every night until I moved out of the house for college. She loved snuggling, thrived off of waking you up in the morning even when I would come back to visit, she was so perky and would run circles around the house. She was the most annoying dog, but she held such a GIANT place in my heart. And today she had to be put down. She went into kidney failure after 8 happy little years and I couldn't even say bye to her because I was miles away. I wish I could have snuggled her, kissed her and told her how much I loved her, even if she didn't have the energy to growl in response.

Natural Birth

So Hubby and I have been looking into our birthing options. I am the kind of person who likes to have my life neatly laid out in a time line, so even though I am not due until the beginning of April, the time line begins. I know for sure I want to have a natural birth and I know I would really like to have a water birth. But now I am thinking about just having a midwife and going totally granola for baby extraction. Like a midwife in my home with a rented birthing pool, my hubby, my mom, some Enya distraction and *bam* baby. That was the happy easy version. The real life version will most likely include a ton of profanity. Only problemo, we are moving in the next couple of months and I don't have a single idea as to where our final nesting ground will be. That doesn't fit in with my neat life time line. I am not enjoying this limbo state of location, but it is what it is. So where ever I end up, I will find the perfect midwife and start down the road that will eventually lead to this:

Now this is what I'm talking about. (Insert midwife, hubby, and mom)

Baby Beat.

It's my BABY!! 8 weeks exactly today and this mama and papa could not be more excited! We got to see and hear the heartbeat...was incredible. I seriously teared up because that was my baby... HEALTHY and beating beautifully. It even had it's little leg stretched out, totally chillin' in my uterus. I couldn't have been any happier in that moment. And it measured exactly, so April 4th bring me babies! (Baby)

Showing some leg. :) 

This is a good frontal image...and since it is the hubbies child too, I had to include his zombie love. This baby's first word will be "Bwaaaiiiiinsss". He will be so proud!

I CAN'T STOP LOOKING!!!

Kit Cat Jealous Much?

My cat is suuuuper envying my couch right now. It gets all the attention and smothering since Jellyfish took up residence in the uterus. I mean, I shuffle out of bed, somehow find my way to the couch, *plop* and hold my bladder until it's going to explode, only then do I shuffle to the bathroom, do my thang and head right back for the couch. Poor hubby has been left fending for himself as far as food and cleaning goes. I am so sickies that it's a great day if I shower! I do not know how these prego ladies with mad sickness still work jobs, clean their house, care for other kids and not vomit all over life. So Yumi ( el gato) has been feeling left out and tries to cuddle me like normal, but she lays her chunky behind right on my stomach. So she usually gets the boot instantly.

So we are moving at the end of this month. I'm so excited! Wherever we move, there had better be a Thai restaurant serving Massaman curry. I WANT CURRY SO BAD!!!

Behold, my Jellyfish.

6weeks and cooking up just right.

Saltines and Ale

Since I am fairly confident no one reads my blog, I feel safe posting this. We are expecting!!! Again. And this time Doctors are taking me seriously, listening to my concerns and getting me in for an early ultrasound. I'll be 6 weeks in 2 days, and in 2 days...ultrasound! I'll get to hear my little jellyfish's heartbeat! Though I am excited beyond expression and so grateful, I can't help but to think...were I still prego with my last jellyfish, we would have been finding out the sex and not just if the ticker worked. I know I haven't 100% moved on from my miscarriage, but I feel like I started this pregnancy out right since I found out after being only 3 weeks prego. I've been on prenatals since the miscarriage, I quit drinking all caffeine and got into the Doctor right away. And so far everything is going swimmingly. But this time around...Hello Sickness. And not just morning, but afternoon and especially night. I am on the constant verge of up-chucking. But honestly I would have it no other way. It means the jellyfish is growing and healthy. So you will not hear complaining from this lady because I'd rather be sick than lose my jellyfish again. But instead of eating for two, I am praying to the porcelain toilet for two.

There have been a few (mostly worried parents) telling me not to get my hopes up too high, because "it could happen again..." I know. But do I want to spend every waking hour petrified of losing my baby all over again, not really, no. So hubby and I decided to take it one day at a time. And just enjoy the days instead of worry for the future. But I'm confidant this pregnancy will be just fine. This jellyfish is strong.

Crazy at Church.

I think I have become the crazy lady at church who cries at all the wrong moments. Someone is giving a talk and everyone starts crying cause they are feeling the spirit while I sit there stoned face. Then like 20 ladies announce they are pregnant or their daughter is, ect. and I am suddenly extremely interested in my toes while tears start sliding down my cheeks. I've been reading about miscarriages and why they are so difficult to deal with. Besides the obvious reason. Because this lady is still having such a hard time with it. I can't help but get teary eyed when I see a big-bellied woman walk past me glowing with happiness. Not that I want to trip her and scoff as she looks up at me confused and distracted from her happiness, but please quit rubbing your healthy living baby swimming laps in your big tummy, into my tear-stained face. *drama queen* I know. So anyway I read that all women develop some form of sadness after giving birth to their baby, it is a natural part of the hormonal change. But when a woman miscarries or has a still birth, their bodies go through the hormonal changes and the actual birthing process. But while other women have their beautiful babies to snuggle when they feel sad, those who miscarry or have still born are left with the sadness that accompanies pregnancy, but they are faced with the truth that their baby is gone, dead and there is nothing to take away the pain, so it grows. At least that is what I gathered from everything I read. And it seems true in my case. It's been a month since my miscarriage and some people wonder why it still affects me so. Like they think I should be over it by now. I'm over the hardest part, admitting I lost it. I don't take pregnancy tests anymore to see if it was all in my head. Maybe its still there...but the single little pink line tells me I am just fooling myself. I know now I lost my baby. And no matter what I do, I will not get it back. There will be others, I know that, but it doesn't take away the pain of losing this one.