“Go in peace my daughter. And remember that, in a world of ordinary mortals, you are a Wonder Woman.” Queen Hippolyte

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"When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." -Skin Horse

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

10 1/2 Weeks!!

Do I have the cutest baby or what?? At least I like to think so. ^.^

I'm so excited, we just found out that we will be spending the 4th of July with my family!! Then at the end of July we are headed to Texas to see Ghent's family and some good friends. We will also be blessing baby Faye while in Texas. It's a bit sad because I would love my family to be there, I know it's sad for them that they will be missing her baby blessing. But it is so important to Ghent that his dad and brothers help with the blessing. So Texas it is!! 

I LOVE being a mom. I never thought I would enjoy it so much. It helps that Faye is the perfect baby though. I mean she goes to bed at 11 and sleeps until 7 then nurses and sleeps again until 9-9:30. And she has been doing that since a week and a half old! Lucky, I am. Seriously, this baby hardly cries and just smiles and coos tons now! She loves cuddling but can sit and play by herself. Ghent and I still can't believe how lucky we got. I am so in love. 

However, my body and I are not getting along right now. I could just kick myself for not appreciating my body for years. How in the world did I ever think I looked horrible? It's so funny because I spent pretty much my entire life hating it because my thighs were too big, my arms jiggled, my stomach wasn't ever flat enough, ect. Now I look back and just kick myself for not loving it and enjoying it while I had it. Because now...it's ruined forever. No one believes me when I say how bad it is, not until they see it for themselves. And then they understand. I'm terrified for this summer. I want to go swimming and play on the beach, but I can't wear a bathing suit. If I can't even look in the mirror then how can I expose myself in front of people? Is there such thing as a capri length bathing suit with tummy control? Ghent and I have decided that once I am done having kids I will get a tummy tuck...but that won't be for years. And I can't handle years of this. And even when I do get a tummy tuck then I will have a nasty scar from hip to hip. Like I said, my body is ruined. 

How do I teach my daughter confidence when I can't look at my belly without crying? How do I teach her to accept herself when someday I will resort to cosmetic surgery to fix my tummy? How do I teach her that it is not the way she looks that is important, but the way she feels about herself and others when I am selfishly obsessed with the way I look. It's not even about weight anymore, because the more weight I'm losing, the worse my stomach is getting. Prior to pregnancy my confidence was based solely on my body, now I need to learn confidence in myself without my body.
Faye can already Bumbo!!