Das Big.

As in my Belleh! Ignore my glamorous ensemble, I was babysitting some newborn twins today for a friend, which means I don't get to see the outside all day. So I jumped on the opportunity to adorn sweats and a messy side braid. But this same friend declared after not having seen me in a week, "Wow, you've really popped this last week!" Which freaked me out and I immediately ran upstairs to take a picture since I normally try to ignore the side profile. AND BOOM! There was a definite baby bulge. So naturally I called the hubby devastated that I have gotten so large, and his sweet, understanding, sympathetic reply was "You are definitely pregnant." Yah. I know. Thanks. Oh yah...blog gender reveal:

It's a.....BOY!!!!

We are super excited! And kind of freaking out about the idea of naming a boy. Because boys names suck. I really really really LOVE Maxwell Cooper Bailey. But the hubs vetoed my hopes for a perfectly named man child. So it's off to the compromising block. And that's just it, we are blocked.

Moving on. I got Faye's photos taken for her 1st birthday. Here are a few of my favorites!

She's sooooo adorable!! And I feel like I can brag about how cute she is because she looks so much like her daddy so it's not conceited to say I have a gorgeous daughter!

I'm excited she will have a little play buddy close to her age, even if I still cry about the idea of gaining more weight. It will be worth it all in the end. And I am glad it's a little brother. My little brother and I were always best friends growing up!

Little brother is sooooo squirmy. And Faye loves bouncing on my belly when I am not paying attention, which results is lost air and a few good kicks back. Of course I am the victim of both of their sibling rivalries. It's sweet.

And my angelic looking little 14 month old has perfected the art of the tantrum. ALREADY. We are nervous for her terrible twos and threes...but I love her, and I laugh at her tantrums when she is not looking because they are soooo dramatic!

But she is perfect. Tantrums and all, I wouldn't change a thing about her!

Belly Update

I was horrible at documenting belly growth with Faye. So far I am pretty bad with Thing 2...And eventually I will be so fat I will never take a photo until after Thing 2 has arrived. But until that moment arrives here are my belly shots so far:

WTF??? How did I get so big in 8.5 weeks?!?! 

I guess it is bound to happen...

On a happier note, we find out the gender of Thing 2 on Monday!!! *SQUEAL*

Thing 2

Is due to arrive October 2nd 2012. WHAT?!?! Don't I already have a baby that isn't even 1 yet and I am already 13 weeks pregnant? YES!! Hence the reason for my tears 3 days straight after peeing on my stick. But I have made peace with it, and after seeing Thing 2 wiggling away on the ultrasound I am almost getting excited!

We were not trying for the record. We are apparently just oober fertile. I always hate to talk about it, because I know there are a lot of people who have tried for years unsuccessfully to have children. So I feel a bit ungrateful that we get pregnant on birth control or condoms and I cry about it. But I was not at all ready to get pregnant and have another baby just yet. I'm sure that come September I am going to be stoked about the idea of Thing 2, just right now...I'm still confused. One day I am super excited and cannot wait. The next day/even hour I'm wondering the I got myself in to.

Anyway, I am pretty sure this one is a boy. With Faye I was so sick my first trimester and could hardly get off the couch. This time around I have virtually no morning sickness. With Faye my metabolism up and died and I put on weight at enormous speeds. This time that is not even an issue. Faye's pregnancy I craved/needed MEAT, anything meaty belonged in my mouth and fruits and veggies always threatened to leave my stomach by way of mouth. This time I LOVE fruits and veggies...don't get me wrong, a chicken leg still makes me giddy, but at least I can eat more than animal products now. So that is my guess...a boy. We will see for sure in about 7ish weeks though. Ghent swears it will be another girl. We honestly do not even care what we have. Boy or girl we are going to be very happy. Anyway, so that was my big secret a while ago. Next week I am officially in my 2nd trimester, I'm looking forward to the energy again! Not the maternity clothes though!! *shudder*

NEXT WEEK!!!!

One of my best friends is coming to visit me for a whole week!!! I am so giddy. I've been trying to come up with fun ideas to do, like go to the coast one day, maybe Portland another. I am just so excited. Because while I love Eugene, and I love our ward, I get kind of lonely at times. And for an entire week it is going to be filled with one of my besties!!!! Girls week! Yes, please! I just hope Faye's neediness tones down a bit so we can actually talk, chill, do things, and of course play with Faye! She LOVES company by the way. It means more attention for her, and the girl loves some attention.

I'm bad at secrets.

So let's just say that for the next 6 weeks I am going to disappear via blog land until I can safely spill the beans. In which case there will be some good reads for gossip.

Ironically by posting this I'm sure half of the "what ifs" are correct.

Sayonara suckers! 

Bad Blogger.

Coming up on 2 years now! Now gonna lie, the first year was killer hard, maybe it had something to do with hormones and swollen legs. Or maybe it was just legitimately hard. But year 2, significantly better.

And there is talk of trying for another baby...it usually results in me crying when I think about going through pregnancy again. Though we want our kids to be close in age so they grow up buddies, I think we will wait a bit longer, not too much longer, but long enough for me to accept the inevitable! ;)

Faye is only 9 1/2 months so we have plenty of time to wait. But call me crazy I want to get it done with as fast as possible whilst still maintaining some amount of sanity.

And for your viewing pleasure, here is a picture of my beautiful girl. She just gets prettier everyday. To make things better, she is finally a mama's girl. It's been all about Daddy until 2 months ago and now she can't get enough of me. And I LUHVE it, but I do feel sorry for the hubs now...just a little bit. But she is super mom needy lately. Like I can't leave her sight with out her having a full-blown panic attack. I'm worried the Squeak may have some anxiety issues already. I mean it's hereditary, but I was hoping all our kids could avoid it.

I am so bad at blogging. I think the most consistent I have ever been in blogging was when I was preggo, but that was mainly so I could whine since everyone around me was getting annoyed.  Now-a-days there is not much to whine about so not much blogging gets done! Shouldn't it be the other way around though? Seriously.

On another note: I am buying these sexy ladies

Because it's raining, like a lot.  (big surprise, it's Oregon) And I always envisioned that when I was a mom I would take my kids on all sorts of adventures outside...or in shopping malls. But the soggy grass soaks through all my boots and shoes and Faye is getting cooped up and restless. Which means I need to brave the weather. Enter in boots and an umbrella because my wallet and hubby can't handle too many adventures to the mall. If only we were rich...

  

And has anyone heard of smash* journals? I have been doing a lot of smashing lately! It's a fun, lazy man's way to scrapbook/journal/doodle. Because I loathe scrap-booking and this makes it almost *gasp* fun.

Hi-Chews you, Pikachu!

Addicted to Hi-Chews candy. YUM. While I chew on sugary delight and drool down my chin, Faye chews on my thumb and drools down my sleeve. But it keeps us both happy. And yesterday she slobber slapped me with her soggy peacock, Jacque. It seriously splashed when it made contact with my cheek. Notice said Peacock yonder left? Kind of disgusting. Also take note of Faye...she sits! Without aid from bumbo or mom. I'm so proud. 


Summer was too short, and not enough skin exposed. I bought my first one-piece suit in years and braved out in it just once. But at least I have a swimsuit now, even if it was a waste of money this year. I long for a floaty to lounge on. The closest I got this year was sitting in a kiddie pool with a slightly nervous Faye. But the view was cute, since she is an adorable little chunk with rolls you could die for. 


But I was pretty proud of myself for putting on a suit and going out in public at all. I was so worried everyone would be looking at the zebra stripes adorning my legs, but a good friend said "If a man is looking at a married woman's legs that closely, then SHAME on him and he deserves to be mortified." So I went with that attitude. 

This weekend I am throwing a baby shower, my first ever and I am totally stoked about it. Crossing fingers it all turns out well. And I'm off to make a diaper cake! 

Yoga pants.

Today I took my deflated bum to the mall and bought some yoga pants! Because nothing makes a butt look sexier than a good pair of yoga pants. But they have to fit just right, and all my old yoga pants are majorly stretched out after my 73 pound pregnancy. But since I have lost 71 pounds and barely hovering above my old weight, I figured it was time to buy some butt hugging yoga pants. And they are Sessssssy. Now I just need to get a gym membership! Someplace official to wear them, other than my couch.

Wait, did you catch that? 71 pounds... (insert scream). I have lost 71 pounds in almost 5 months. And I swear to you, I am carrying about a pound of milk in each boob. That means...I HAVE FINALLY DONE IT!!! I have reached my goal with a month to spare! I wanted to have it all off in 6 months, and I have done it in 5. 

Enough about me, time for a pip-squeak update.

Faye is almost 5 months. And I thought the moment I saw her I could never love her more. I don't think I was ever so wrong about something...as the days pass I love her more and more, and each day I swear my heart grows bigger because I thought I maxed out on April 7th. I'm like the Grinch, my heart grew 3 sizes. She is such a happy happy baby, and she has the cutest laugh EVER! It's contagious. She's still a little chunk and at 5 months she is wearing 6-9 months. At her 4 month check-up she was in the 85% for height and 75% for weight. So she is a big girl. And the way she looks at you...there is something magical about it. Especially when I am nursing her. She will be happily chugging away and just stop to look at me, in that one look it's as if I am looking into the eyes of a very wise and special soul, and not eyes of an infant. Right as my eyes blur over with tears she gives me a shy little smile and goes right back to eating as if nothing happened. I can't explain it, but I think she knows me better than anyone else...and she still loves me. It's very humbling.

Her classic Grump face.

Anyway she grabs on to her toes, rolls over, can sit all by herself for a little over 3 minutes now, laughs, whispers, screams, babbles, pulls my hair, loves her daddy, talks in her sleep, farts like a man, snuggles when she is sleepy, nurses like a champ, learning the "fake" cry, kind of a pansy, loves her Sophie, O'ball and Peacock, drools like Niagra Falls, jumps in her jumperoo, is the best thing to wake up to, always watches me, and smiles every time I look back at her. I never knew I would love being a mom so much.

10 1/2 Weeks!!

 

Do I have the cutest baby or what?? At least I like to think so. ^.^

I'm so excited, we just found out that we will be spending the 4th of July with my family!! Then at the end of July we are headed to Texas to see Ghent's family and some good friends. We will also be blessing baby Faye while in Texas. It's a bit sad because I would love my family to be there, I know it's sad for them that they will be missing her baby blessing. But it is so important to Ghent that his dad and brothers help with the blessing. So Texas it is!! 

I LOVE being a mom. I never thought I would enjoy it so much. It helps that Faye is the perfect baby though. I mean she goes to bed at 11 and sleeps until 7 then nurses and sleeps again until 9-9:30. And she has been doing that since a week and a half old! Lucky, I am. Seriously, this baby hardly cries and just smiles and coos tons now! She loves cuddling but can sit and play by herself. Ghent and I still can't believe how lucky we got. I am so in love. 

However, my body and I are not getting along right now. I could just kick myself for not appreciating my body for years. How in the world did I ever think I looked horrible? It's so funny because I spent pretty much my entire life hating it because my thighs were too big, my arms jiggled, my stomach wasn't ever flat enough, ect. Now I look back and just kick myself for not loving it and enjoying it while I had it. Because now...it's ruined forever. No one believes me when I say how bad it is, not until they see it for themselves. And then they understand. I'm terrified for this summer. I want to go swimming and play on the beach, but I can't wear a bathing suit. If I can't even look in the mirror then how can I expose myself in front of people? Is there such thing as a capri length bathing suit with tummy control? Ghent and I have decided that once I am done having kids I will get a tummy tuck...but that won't be for years. And I can't handle years of this. And even when I do get a tummy tuck then I will have a nasty scar from hip to hip. Like I said, my body is ruined. 

How do I teach my daughter confidence when I can't look at my belly without crying? How do I teach her to accept herself when someday I will resort to cosmetic surgery to fix my tummy? How do I teach her that it is not the way she looks that is important, but the way she feels about herself and others when I am selfishly obsessed with the way I look. It's not even about weight anymore, because the more weight I'm losing, the worse my stomach is getting. Prior to pregnancy my confidence was based solely on my body, now I need to learn confidence in myself without my body.

Faye can already Bumbo!!

My belly looks like a butt.

Body vent. What the hell? They don't tell you in those pregnancy books that your belly is in danger of being mistaken for your boo-hiney after it deflates. And my poor belly button...it looks like a star since it totally caved in and the surrounding skin doesn't know what to do, other than fold over it. If I lived in the biblical times, the wise men would have mistaken my belly button for the Star. I avoid mirrors like the plague now because every time I see my bare belly it reduces me to tears. And don't even get me started on those stretchmarks. I have however lost a little over 40 pounds since Faye was born, and I am not yet to my pre-prego weight because my metabolism up and died once fetal Faye planted her eggo self into my uterus. So I still have XxXx amount of pounds to lose until I have reached my old digits. And it is coming off all sorts of slow. But this Thursday marks 6 weeks, and at 6 weeks doc says I can start working out, other than walking. So I am treating myself to a gym membership! The fat is going to melt like butter and I will get thin again, even if my belly looks like a droopy butt afterwards. Ok, I am done venting. I'm taking my belly butt on a walk now.

Oh, and a picture of Faye to erase the disturbing belly butt image that is probably haunting your thoughts right now:

She's started smiling. It melts my heart.

And for the record, she is totally worth my belly butt. Crap, there goes that mental image again.