I'm an AUNT! again. :)

But an aunt for the first time on my side of the family. My brother and his wife had the prettiest baby girl on November 22nd. And I got to watch it all...

I AM TERRIFIED OF GIVING BIRTH NOW!!!

Jane (my brother's wife) opted for an epidural at the beginning and literally napped through transition, she was so relaxed and comfy. Then when it was time to push, she pushed...and that was that. Well not really, cause I will spare anyone reading this the details. However, the lady in the room next to us went "la natural", like what I want to do, and you could seriously hear her screaming and sobbing. After "seeing" what she was going through, and hearing the pain associated with child birth I got SUPER scared. Cause in just 4-4.5 months, this lady is gonna be in the same boat...but the natural version, the screaming and sobbing version. And it is making that epidural look bloody tempting now. So I need to start prepping myself for some serious pain, as in start practicing my breathing and relaxation techniques so I don't wind up getting the epidural. Either way, I am so nervous now...

But my niece Ivy, is just beautiful and I already love her so much!

*however, I will have to try posting pictures later, because for some reason blogger is refusing to upload my pretty little niece. :(

It's a GIRL!! :)

Faye Victoria. 
20 weeks gestation in these photos, and I am pretty positive she is already adorable! She has another 4-5 months to just get cuter too. We can't wait to meet her and Daddy (Ghent) is already smitten with her!! She seriously amazes me...

Showing' some leg!

I am so in love.

BOY or GIRL?

I find out tomorrow morning!!

Last Night

Ghent, the husband, felt the baby kick for the first time ever. He was so excited!!! It gave him a good solid 3 kicks before calling it a night. I was stoked he felt it, I have been feeling so selfish bragging about how much it's been wiggling. I know he has been wanting to join in on the squirms and kicks, and last night, he finally got to! I've read that others shouldn't feel movement until after 20 weeks...yet we were only 18.5 weeks along. There must be a soccer player in there.

We went to a Gonzaga basketball game tonight, and they completely dominated. It was a good game, even if we knew the Zags would win before the game even began. And the night was finished off with PF Changs. It was seriously the best dinner I have had since being pregnant and it made me physically feel on top of the world. I think I could eat there every night for the next 5 months...baby likes PF Changs. Mongolian beef is my food fantasy. *drooool*

Holy Boobs Batman!

Cup size pre-pregnancy, A. Cup size 1/2 way through pregnancy, D. Yes, I said it, D. Yet surprisingly the belly still protrudes farther out that than the boobs...so that has to mean something. It means a trip to Motherhood Maternity. The very store I have been trying to avoid. Hello Motherhood, full panel pants, nursing bras, and belly shirts galore. All before I even know the gender. Not that gender is relevant to the color of bra I choose to purchase, or how much panel I want on my denims. It's just that I am only half way there yet I am wearing clothes that suggest otherwise...already!

But secretly I love my big belly. It reminds me of my little baby and how happy I am to be a mom in the next 5ish months. It would be great if my butt quit spreading. I'm having a tough time adjusting to my ba-donk-a-donk.

On a totally different topic, there are things that are so hard right now. Things that make me want to curl up in my closet amongst my shoes and hibernate until they pass. I'm not talking the average drama of life, I am talking about something so gut-wrenching, terrifying, depressing, confusing, and hopeless, ect. you get the hint. And it is just so hard to deal with, even without the raging hormones that threaten to crumble my facade of bubbling joy. Am I happy? I am so so happy and excited, but there is this state of limbo, uncertainty, frustration, and hurt that I just can't get past. Not until the situation passes. And this situation has been going on for such a long time now, at first I was patient and hopeful, now I am upset and running out of hope. I have been praying constantly that this trial will lesson, that I can have more hope, or just to let it be over. Yet it gets worse and worse as time goes on. I'm wondering if my constant prayers are not being heard. And that is all about the situation I care to go into at this point. But if this were just some anonymous blog with no pictures, or names it would be great to write about everything going on. But it's not, and so much is said without really saying anything.

To end on a HAPPY note: I am grateful for the blessings I do have.For example, I have an amazing supportive family, a tiny growing baby whom I already love with all my heart, one prissy fur-baby full of love and cuddles, and I have an amazing husband who loves me despite my camel curves, wicked witch hormonal tendencies and pregnancy gas.

And I know things will eventually work themselves out and when they do I will be so grateful for that.