Woman Legit.

Those awesome womanly pills of pregnancy prevention are making me a neurotic disaster! Was I forewarned of this? Yes. Did el Doctor know it was going to make me so psycho? Nay. Am I crazy? I would like to blame it on the pills which are making me a legit woman. Just to give myself some credit, I am not normally like this. I mean usually I can keep my crap together. As of late, the table has turned. Speaking of tables, my claustrophobia is back, full on. 

          *I know claustrophobia has nothing to do with tables...

I went to Mexican food tonight, you know the places with re fried beans, lots of cheesy goodness, deep fried tortillas and gobs of calories? Delish right? Equation of proof: Ash+claustrophobia+chicken enchilada+family=Near Panic Attack. Serious. I hear colonics help with anxiety. So if I go get my bum pumped apparently...poof. Anxiety gone. I only know because my fake cousin is doing this. It helps her. I mean if I wasn't in public, I am pretty sure I would have curled up in the fetal position and just sobbed my mind to retardation. Am I normally like this? NO, at least not in the last 2 years. In the past, sure, but times are different now. It's those bloody pills. I mean, I have not had such intense "issues" until day 2 of pill usage. But I am going to stay strong! I'll give those blasted little woman legit pills another few weeks. Let's just hope I am not a wreck on our wedding day. Kill a rat. Ghent might change his mind about me..."uh, is it too late to back out?" 

Moving on to happier things. I just started Dan Brown's latest book. The Lost Symbol. So, SO, SOOO good, as of thus far. Mind you, I am not that far in. But his books are usually pretty readable in a stay up all night and morning kind of way so that all your co workers think you had a wild night and are hungover. Little do they know, I am not the wild hungover type, rather the wild book worm type. Ultra sexier though. 

Sooo when I was working today at a little boutique my fake cousin on regular colonics owns, I ran into the past. Of course on a day when I rolled out of bed, threw my tangled hair in a pony, doused a little mascara and ran out the door. My socks didn't even match and I am pretty sure they were dirty. It was one of those mornings. Anyway, in walks someone from my high school. High school was a long time ago, but you have to understand...High school traumatized me. I was a loner, like the kind who hid in the bathroom during lunch or walked the hallways staring at her feet. (Sr. year I made some friends, so it wasn't all bad) Needless to say on the day I am looking particularly stellar, a former classmate enters the store. I am socially awkward. I'll just throw that out there to have it be said. So I start tripping all over the place, knocking things off the counter and making a royal fool of myself. But it's cool cause I totally made up for it right after by turning a brilliant shade of tomato. It's a special talent of mine. I pretty much blush on command. Well the convo went well...you know the ol' "Oh my gosh, HI! What have you been up too?" Brag about yourselves a bit. And you go on your way. But legit, I was afraid I was going to have a heart attack I was so nervous. Even my chest was throbbing! Who does that?? It's the pills, I just know it.

So I'm giggling, sobbing, screaming, gnashing, hysterically laughing and blaming my new issues on the pill. Damn those oral contraceptives.